Gift of the Smasher
by Kyosplosion
Summary: Secret Santa story for Megaman1998. Zelda doesn't have enough Rupees to buy Link a Christmas present. Then, she gets a horrible idea... Zelink. Remix of Gift of the Magi. Fail title XD


**Wrote this for Megaman1998, one of my friends. Hope you like it, Mega! (thoug****h I'll bet that you'll hate it *tazed*)**

**BTW... Link, Zelda, Super Smash Bros, and Peach all belong to Nintendo. Gift of the Magi is O. Henry's**

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Forty-eight Rupees. That was all. Only forty-eight Rupees, and thirty-two of those were in Green Rupees. Green Rupees saved, little by little, by stashing away the change of the money spent at the grocery store.

Zelda stared at it in dismay- this was all she had to buy her sweet Link a present. How would it be possible to pull off a stunt like this? There was nothing to buy in Smash Town even close to forty-eight Rupees. Zelda began to weep upon her battered brown couch- there was just no way.

Zelda, being a princess, of course could have borrowed money from her very rich father, but she had vowed to get Link a gift herself, without the assistance of anyone or anything. Without getting a second job, as this would grab her lover's attention, this had not been a particularly easy task.

Considering that the Brawler spots cost them each ten Rupees a week had also been difficult. Zelda had been tempted on several occasions to quit so she could keep her money, but she knew that if she did, The Legend of Zelda series would be shamed. So, on she fought.

And despite the countless joyful hours spent daydreaming about what sort of present would be so wonderful, so beautiful, and so brilliant to be in the possession of her beloved Link, she had not enough. Christmas would be ruined, and all because of a lack of Rupees.

Suddenly, she got a horrible idea. An awful, horrible idea. Zelda lifted her tattered, brown hat from her head, and her long, silky brown hair came tumbling down, settling down into place fairly quickly.

Only two possessions of Zelda and Link combined had anything worth value much more than ten rupees. The first was Link's treasured sword- it had been his father's, and his grandfather's, and his great-grandfather's, and many ancestor's he didn't know. Nary had a scratch lain upon its shiny, silver surface, and the golden handle shone as if it were brand new. The only thing that it didn't have was a sheath. There was no way for Link to carry it, other than in his belt- and that always ended in a torn shirt, multiple scratches, and a new belt.

The other was Zelda's hair.

It was a long, brown waterfall of hair, often tied up in old, white rags simply to keep it out of her face. It was, as said by many women around town, more luxurious than even the hair of a chinchilla. Every time Link saw it, he commented dreamily, "Your hair looks as beautiful as ever. Almost as beautiful as you." Alas, the rags always dirtied it, and she had always desired a better way of keeping it tamed.

Zelda knew what she must do. _It's for Link_, she kept repeating to herself, _I'm doing it for Link._

She snatched her old, brown coat off the battered coat hanger, grabbing the door keys, and ran as fast as she could out of the Smash Mansion. The princess gathered her hair into the hat again as she dashed through the streets, heading for a specific shop.

Zelda stopped in front of a spiffy-looking shop. It was painted white, with a neon pink signs, and shaded windows. The sign read, "Tangles- Hair Salon". She dashed inside and scheduled an instantaneous appointment with one of the stylists.

Someone came up from behind the princess and seated her at one of the booths- somewhat far away from the entrance. Zelda looked at it. _Should I really go through with this?_ She thought.

The princess's stylist popped up in front of her. "Hiya! Welcome to Tangles!" she recited, "I'm Toadette, and I'll be your stylist! What'll it be today, sweetie?"

Zelda was taken aback by her spunky personality. "Erm… I heard that your store buys hair…"

Toadette nodded, her pink braids bouncing. "Yup! So, how much do you want off? 12 inches? More?"

Zelda swallowed. This was it. "I want all of it off."

The pinkette was taken aback. "What? All of it? Are you sure?" she questioned, "After all, if I cut it off, it'll take a while to grow back…"

"Yes," Zelda said firmly, "This is for my boyfriend's Christmas."

"Awwww," Toadette cooed, "That's _so_ sweet!"

"How much will I get for this?" Zelda asked. If she was cutting off her hair, she had to have enough money.

"It depends on the quality of your hair," Toadette responded, "I'll just give you a wash and find out…."

Zelda sweated nervously as the Toad girl skipped around, picking out shampoos and conditioners to put into her luxurious hair. She pressed her lips together as the young girl wet her hair, spewed the hair products into it, and rinse thoroughly. A hairdryer went over the mass, and within minutes, it was positively _shining_.

Toadette gasped. "This is amazing!" she squealed. "Erm… what currency do you use?"

"Rupees."

The stylist whipped out a currency calculator and began calculating. "With this quality of hair, you'd get twelve and a half rupees per inch of hair!" It was the princess's turn to gasp. Twelve and a half rupees… Her hair was about two feet long, so twelve-point-five times twenty-four inches was… Three hundred rupees!

"I want two feet off," Zelda exclaimed quickly.

Toadette measured her hair. "But…" she whispered, "That'll leave you with practically nothing…"

"I don't care!" Zelda burst out, "It's for Link! Go!"

The pinkette nodded hastily and grabbed her scissors. "OK, so what do you want afterward?"

"…Pixie cut." "Are you sure?"

Zelda had researched short hairstyles before, and pixies were sassy, and still look her style. She could barely imagine herself looking like _that_, though… "Yes. Pixie away. Chop chop, now. Christmas is tomorrow, y'know!"

Toadette snipped her scissors in midair twice before reaching down for Zelda's hair. The Hylian princess cringed horribly when she saw her prized locks drop to the wooden floor with an unceremonious soft _plop_. The pink mushroom-cap dashed at lightning speed around her chair, chopping off the tiniest bits of hair at a time to make it absolutely _perfect_.

After the seemingly longest time, Toadette grabbed the back of Zelda's chair and whirled her around, nearly snapping the princess's neck. "There we are! What do you think?"

Zelda's eyes widened. She looked _horrible_ with a pixie cut! She had no bangs of which to speak, so the stylish had flipped some hair down and pinned it back with a barrette. There were little locks behind her ears, and the rest of her hair was completely gone. It would look nice on someone else, but Link would flip.

She took a deep breath. "It's nice," she managed to get out. Toadette opened the cash register, pulled out an orange and a silver Rupee. The stylist handed them to the princess.

"Here you go! And good luck with your boyfriend!" Toadette closed. Her words were empty though- as soon as the jewels were in the girl's hands, she was _gone._ She just _had_ to find the perfect present for Link.

Store after store after store fell to the girl's knees as she ransacked every single one of them. Not even one, after she had searched from top to bottom, held an item worthy to be in possession of her Link. Her eyes teared- was her sacrifice for naught?

That's when Zelda saw _it-_ it was most definitely made for him, and _only_ him. It was made of a humble, sturdy metal, but was polished to the point of being able to see one's reflection in it. It was a beautiful, deep silvery gray, shining with the expertise of an experienced craftsman. There were no seams to speak of- they were all smoothed over into perfect curves.

The flat sides were encrusted with the finest of elegant jewels of colors many couldn't imagine. Reds, blues, greens, purples, yellows… there were simply too many to count. The gems were encrusted in an intricate pattern- it must have taken days to even plan it out. And all of the jewels were cut smoothly- they wouldn't cause discomfort to the one using the item.

And best of all, there was a small, gold plate near the mouth of the gift, meant for an engraving. Preferably a name, Zelda assumed. She picked up the item delicately by the leather strap and practically _floated_ over to the cashier.

"How much for this in Rupees?" Zelda asked. _Oh, please don't let it be too expensive…_

The shopkeeper stared at it for a few seconds. "Three hundred and ten, ma'am," he stated.

Zelda jumped for joy- quite literally- after she handed over the orange, silver, and yellow gems. She dashed home to await Link's return.

She did not have to wait long for her lover to return to the Smash Mansion. Link entered the room with extravagant flair, as he always seemed to. "Good evening, my Princess!" he began, "How is this… wonderful…."

Zelda cringed as his dismayed eyes looked over her head. "Y-your hair…" he stammered, "Where…"

"I cut it off and sold it," Zelda admitted, "But it was for you, Link! I wouldn't have done it for anyone but you!"

"Your hair is gone, you said?" Link repeated. This wasn't like him. He was usually quite attentive and understanding. Why wasn't it now?

"Yes. It's sold now. But," Zelda added quickly, "It'll grow back! My hair grows quickly- you even said so yourself! So, what do you want for dinner? Pork chops?"

Link held up a white, plastic shopping bag and from it pulled a newspaper-wrapped package. He tossed it onto the table, laughing nervously. "Don't get me wrong, Zel," he murmured, "No matter _what_ you do with your hair, I will always find you more beautiful than anything. But if you open that package, you'll understand why I was a little dismayed."

Zelda rushed over to where the package had fallen upon the shining table. She tore at the string and ripped off the newspaper. What she saw there made her give up an ecstatically joyful squeal, which soon melted into a wail. Link rushed over to comfort her.

What lay there that could have such a reaction? Two words- The Combs. The beautiful, pure tortoiseshell hair accessories, side and back, that Zelda had first seen in her rival, Princess Peach,'s long, golden locks. Since that day Zelda had practically worshipped them and prayed to the Goddesses that she too could one day own the shining combs.

But, even though that now they were hers, the straight locks that would have held the adornments were chopped off and sold. Despite this fact, Zelda looked up at her lover with shining eyes, clutching the combs to her chest, and cried, "Oh, but my hair grows so quickly, Link! I'll be able to wear these in no time at all."

And up she jumped, yelling "Oh, oh!" She had forgotten about Link's own present. She swiped it from behind the couch and presented it to him.

"Here!" she cried, "This is what I got for you. It's a scabbard for your sword, see? Now you don't have to carry it in your belt! Give me the sword. Let's see how it looks!"

Link gave a nervous laugh and flopped down upon the couch. "Erm…" he began, "Zel, how about we put the Christmas presents in storage, OK? They're a little too nice to use right now, since I… kind of sold my sword to get you those combs."

Zelda sat next to him and gave the knight a hug. She thought, _The true meaning of Christmas… it's to give and not receive, right? So, what if the receiver… What if they can't use it?_

_**The magi, as you know, were wise men-wonderfully wise men-who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in a flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house. But in a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. O all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the magi.**_

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**Merry Christmas, Mega, and Happy New Year!**


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